In that time I think I have learned a few things. I probably have learned less than I would like to admit, but that is beside the point. I do know I've learned a thing or two, or ten. I really feel that it is only fair that I share those things with you... so that you too can be as wise as me. You're welcome.
1. Abraham Lincoln was super smart. When in doubt Google a quote from him and post it on your social networks... it'll make you look a lot smarter than you actually are:
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."-Abraham Lincoln
(See! I already seem smarter... don't I? Don't lie to yourself. Stop it. Just admit how smart I seem.)
2. Bacon cures most everything. Broken hearts. Rashes. Allergies. Hangovers. Sleep deprivation. Swimmers ear. Forest fires... even hunger.
3. You will, eventually, turn into your mother. Luckily my child is going to just become more awesome when that happens. You're welcome, honey.
4. After 25 your body starts to depreciate, just like a car. Gravity happens, and a lot of other bad things do as well.... that is why God granted us the ability to smear weird creams on, squeeze into weird contraptions to make us look less....saggy, and most importantly, many...many Apps on our iPhones to edit the pictures of us that make us look like versions of ourselves we never have been and never will be.
5. Barney was a cult. He convinced us that cleaning was fun. That everyone loves everyone. And that all problems could be solved with a song and a hug from a masked man in a dinosaurs costume. Sadly I still feel happy when I see his face... and it remind me the world is a happy place.... when Barney is around.
6. If you have WebMD you really do not need an actual doctor. You ARE a real doctor with WebMD.
7. All those matching outfits that your parents put you and your siblings in when you were younger.... there was no excuse for that cruelty... but you still will probably do the same thing to your kids. (Character building....right?)
8. When someone asks how you are.... don't tell them. Not all of it. Ain't nobody has time for that. Unless their your best friend. Then lay it on them. But don't be so open. Not everyone deserves that.
9. You MUST have a theme song for your life. It will make your whole existence worth while, in a way that it wouldn't be without it. If you don't have one stop whatever you're doing and go get one. NOW. Seriously. I'm not joking. Here's mine (Thanks mom for playing this throughout my entire childhood):
10. And finally, I make entirely way too many lists.... and in no way am I upset about that..... it probably will always happen. Sorry. Not Sorry.
Happy Friday!
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| I tried dark lips. It worked okay. For a hot second. Then ended up all over my face. #firstworldproblems |
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