I know, I know this is a horrible how to, but it also is extremely helpful in life. Judge if you may (jerk) but you will eventually end up using this 'how to' when you run into someone that is flat out boring.... dumb... or is just not your cup of tea. (Or if, when they talk, you feel like punching something innocent that is not involved in the annoyances of your life i.e. the person standing in front or near your face.)
Here are a few easy steps to making it through your day without having to listen... to anyone.
1. Try to look interested... making a face like this:
2. Do this. But not if you're at work. You might get fired:
3. Respond ever 1.4 minutes with.... "Exactly" and then make this face, it makes you look serious enough for them NOT to ask questions:
4. Avoidance. When they start talking say, "I'm sorry but I have a meeting to go to." And then RUN away.
5. Do this, definitely:
6. Shush them.
7. Just hug them. Mid-sentence (you'll have to guess with that one, since you haven't been listening) hug them. Hard. Until it's so unbearably uncomfortable that they make up an excuse to leave.
8. Cry. A lot. Ugly face cry. KIM KARDASHIAN cry.
9. Start Coughing... and don't stop:
10. Fake fall asleep and/or faint... just like this.
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I hope (if you were actually paying attention to what you were reading) that this list has enlightened your worn out ears that are full of the burdens of listening. Life can be a happy, fun place when you're the only one that matters. After all, you're the only one that actually has something important to say, right?
Happy Humpalump Day!
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