Back in the Saddle.

It takes time. Obviously. And I am no closer to my normal self, and I don't know what that is or if I will ever find it. But I am someone else now, and that is okay. I hope that I am a wiser person for it, I think much more now, I accept much more now, and I understand the value of taking my time now more than ever. Time is precious, don't waste it on anyone that does not mean the world to you. 

So today, for the first time I am taking a long breath and I am climbing back into the saddle. I have tried to write. I've started sentences many times over the past few weeks, but every time that I do, it all just comes back to him... to Tyler... to all the questions I have for him... all the words that are left in my heart for him... and when those come, I stop typing. (and usually I start crying) I talk to him, often, don't worry. I am grieving the best that I can... but I, now, here, I want to come back to you all and write about what makes me happy... all the superficial things that don't take effort to write  about. I cannot promise that I won't write about my feelings, and I cannot promise that I won't mention how I am feeling now and again. But for today and for now I am back to blog about gooey crap, funny moments, and those things in life that just keep me going. Thank you for your patience. 

Love,

B.

My World. Let's get ready for the holidays!

And your heart breaks...

I have grieved for the families that have had to go through this tragedy. I have grieved as a mother, my heart breaking more and more as the reality sets in for those mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, who have lost tragically in ways no one can fathom. My prayers go out to them in a stream of consistency and deliberateness.  I pray for their hearts, and the hole that is now empty in them, that there may be some peace some day that can patch even just a little bit of the pain that they are feeling now. God help them breath today, help them be able to get out of bed, help them see that they are loved, peace be with them. I pray for them and beg that they get rest, that they are able to turn their thoughts off just for a moment.....

God be with them. 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you." Isaiah 43:2

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28