The Fat Camp Bully.

Day three of Strep. I think Cabin fever is setting in. I thought I was doing better last night..... but I was wrong. I feel pretty awful right now. Not complaining, just stating facts. (Insert Gross, sick face.)

I started to think about fat camp. Yep, fat camp for my food addiction. I realized (a long time ago) that I base most of my life choices on or around food. I don't know why or when it started but I never used to care about food.... I think that all changed when I started to taste food, not just consumed it... and it has been a struggle ever since.... do I need to go to fat camp? Maybe, because of my addiction... to love... I mean food. Love of food. Food love. Obsession. Food obsession. Obsession of food... I think I may need too. Just saying.

So technically I would need to go to a Food Addiction Rehab. (I googled it.... but it just didn't sound as fun.)

After thinking about it for a while, wondering if I would survive, I created my Diary at Fat Camp:

Day 1:

Arrive. They find the steaks/candy/cookies that I smuggled in.... but they didn't find the cheesecake and stuffed hamburgers that I strapped to my body... boo-ya. They find those later. Crap. I start to bully other people at my table for their portions. I become fat camp bully which means I eat more. I'm not embarrassed. Mama's got to eat. 8 pm: I am hungry. I try to hitch hike to the nearest Arby's for stuffed hot peppers.... they catch me. Still hungry.

Day 2: 

They try to make me workout. I'm not feeling it. I fake fall and hurt myself. Nap time for me... sneak into the counselors cabin, only to find they eat healthy too. Obviously get caught.... now I have to workout, start dry heaving, blame it on the lack of carbs. These people have no pity, its pretty apparent they are robots, soulless robots. Dreamt about Reese's and garlic bread tonight.... so....very....weak.

Day 3:

I start to act out, I think it's the hallucinations from the lack of calories. I've lost a whole 1.2 pounds and my sanity. It's just too much. These people are the worst. They. Don't. Care. About. Human. Life. I must get out. I must break free. I must find biscuits and gravy. 

Day 4: 

I get kicked out of fat camp for being too difficult. Shows their weaknesses, not mine. Obviously. But I am okay at failing fat camp, I blame my strong will. I showed them. Pshhh

Day 5: 

Celebratory cannoli for breakfast. Sometimes I'm okay with my food obsession, especially when it comes to eating. 

~

Yeah, I wouldn't survive at any camp that takes me away from my love for food.

Here is what my head looks like at any given time.... just so you know what I'm dealing with on a day to day (minute by minute basis):

First and foremost... always wings. All the time in my head.

Ahhhh pizza. Pretty much perfection.

Cupcakes. Duh.

Gyoza is the best. Right??

Ribs, I had ribs for lunch....

Baked donuts. Or Krispy Kremes. Done and done.

Steak. So good. No veggie here. Sorry. Not Sorry.

Sushi time, every time. 

It's probably an addiction. Right? 

Does it look like I'm going to change my ways?? NOPE.

Happy Thursday!

How to: Eat Like a Thick Girl.

So I love food. A lot. Food all the time. But like most women in their not so early twenties and beyond, my metabolism does not love food, but me and my hips have the same feelings for deep fried heaven, greasy hamburgers, pizza.... okay my hips are getting to excited. You get the point. Food trumps most things in my life. 

Once in a blue moon I will let my inner thick chick come out. I let her freaky tasty flag fly and I will go for it. Whatever 'It' is at the time.

Last night it was breakfast food for dinner... and it was dirty. It was sooooo greasy dirty. 

Here is how I eat like a thick chick:

Step 1

Get ready for awesomeness.

Step 2

Start cooking.

Step 3

Make it unhealthy

BACON GREASE

Step 4

Assemble

Step 5

DEVOUR

Step 6

Save room for dessert! 

Yep. That my loves is how you eat like a thick girl..... go destroy something for me and put it in your belly! 

Monday. Confessions.

Monday...everyone hates them so I figured I'm going to theme Monday. CONFESSION MONDAY. 

Here we go. 

My confession: Icing...in a can. 

Some people have been privy to this issue I've had, but not everyone has....and it's embarrassing and really hard to find a logical reason or explanation for it.Other than I love sweets? Sugar? Icing.....

It started many years ago, I was just a child. Impressionable. Unsure about the world. Seeking solace in anything tangible and stable. I wanted to feel attached and apart of something that would never run out on me (without the option of a refill or easy repurchase.)  One day I had a tasty little cupcake right in front of me. I bit in. I hated it. The cake was dry. Lacking flavor. It was a joke. But then I looked deeper and realized I could just lick the icing off... That is when it happened. Euphoria.

For years I have been in search for the perfect icing. Every new icing is a new adventure for my taste buds. I know that with that first lick, that first scoop, I will hit a new magical accord in my life. Icing really is what dreams are made of. But later on in life I started getting a little resentful of the fact that I always had to find a spoon for the vats of icing that I was purchasing (in a normal quantity, STOP JUDGING). If there was no spoon, there was no happy moment for me....until I found a spoon. It was really hindering my joy. Seriously. 

Then I saw it. It happened. Right there in front of my face. The answer to all my question. The hero to my spoon trauma. 

No-Fuss. YESSSSSSSSSSSS. (ignore the need of a  mani)

All of my icing prayers and wants=cured. My confession this Monday? I eat this crap straight out of the container. All day err day. Get in my belly. Tasty goodness. My word to the wise? Don't knock it, till you try it. 

I hope you all enjoyed my confession. I feel a little bit better about life getting that off my chest. 

By the way, You guys like my leggings (they are icing spill proof):

Happy Monday ya'll. Happy Eating :) 

The Cookie Cure.

I have always believed that there is cure for pretty much anything if baked goods and giggles were involved. I am sure there are those out there that disagree but for me today I believe that we must try. The weather change/being in school/life have brought on a bit of a cold to my Mini today and I am ready to take that cold on!

First step surround her with the animals that she loves, favorite toys, blankie, and snuggle the cold out of her while watching her favorite movies....next make a pile of homemade gluten free cookies.... and then some more loving to top it off. I think it sounds like a good plan. Hope you all stay cold free and have a great weekend, I know we are!

Great Gluten Free Cookie Options in a Pinch