The Outsiders.

When I was in seventh grade I had the most interesting man come into my life. He was my teacher. He taught me how to love reading. He taught me how to have a voice. And he taught me to not give a damn.[something I had to relearn many times over throughout the years] but he was at the forefront of so many things I have become now.

He introduced me to the book, The Outsiders, midway through my school year in seventh grade. He had a feeling I would like it. He was right. It took me about a day of tears, laughter and heart wrenching pain to finish it. And then I read it again.... little did I know how much that book would mean to me as I got older. 

A few years after I read the book, I gave it to my brother to read. He loved reading and instantly agreed this was 'our book'.... because we had a very codependent relationship and did literally everything together.... and I am so glad we did. 

As I went through some of the trials of life and heartache with him later on in our lives, I started calling him 'Ponyboy', from the book. It just was a thing. He was the youngest. He was a genius [based on IQ, not me bragging] but he struggled within himself to find his purpose and to find who he was. 

A phrase used in the book, was, "Stay gold" they used this phrase as the urban dictionary describes, as to say stay innocent and pure.... their way of saying good bye. 

We both loved that phrase, and I used to say that to him.... especially when he was going through a hard time... struggling with his demons.... I always felt that it was a way to bring him back. 

After he passed away, I knew-I believe-that same day, if I was to memorialize him on my body I could only ever get that phrase.

Stay Gold. 

Silly to think I used it so many times to bring him back, and now it is a phrase I tell myself to bring myself back to the present when I am missing him so much it hurts every part of me. 

Stay Gold. 

It may mean nothing to anyone else, but to me it means the world. 

So yesterday with two of my favorite people I finally got my tattoo for him.

It had to be in typewriter font, because that boy loved his typewriter more than many people knew. And that was just one of the adorable things about him. 

emo selfie. 

I'm closer to 30 than 20. FACT.

In that time I think I have learned a few things. I probably  have learned less than I would like to admit, but that is beside the point. I do know I've learned a thing or two, or ten. I really feel that it is only fair that I share those things with you... so that you too can be as wise as me. You're welcome. 

1. Abraham Lincoln was super smart. When in doubt Google a quote from him and post it on your social networks... it'll make you look a lot smarter than you actually are:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."-Abraham Lincoln 

(See! I already seem smarter... don't I? Don't lie to yourself. Stop it. Just admit how smart I seem.) 

2. Bacon cures most everything. Broken hearts. Rashes. Allergies. Hangovers. Sleep deprivation. Swimmers ear. Forest fires... even hunger. 

3. You will, eventually, turn into your mother. Luckily my child is going to just become more awesome when that happens. You're welcome, honey.

4. After 25 your body starts to depreciate, just like a car. Gravity happens, and a lot of other bad things do as well.... that is why God granted us the ability to smear weird creams on, squeeze into weird contraptions to make us look less....saggy, and most importantly, many...many Apps on our iPhones to edit the pictures of us that make us look like versions of ourselves we never have been and never will be. 

5. Barney was a cult. He convinced us that cleaning was fun. That everyone loves everyone. And that all problems could be solved with a song and a hug from a masked man in a dinosaurs costume. Sadly I still feel happy when I see his face... and it remind me the world is a happy place.... when Barney is around. 

6. If you have WebMD you really do not need an actual doctor. You ARE a real doctor with WebMD.

7. All those matching outfits that your parents put you and your siblings in when you were younger.... there was no excuse for that cruelty... but you still will probably do the same thing to your kids. (Character building....right?)

8. When someone asks how you are.... don't tell them. Not all of it. Ain't nobody has time for that. Unless their your best friend. Then lay it on them. But don't be so open. Not everyone deserves that. 

9. You MUST have a theme song for your life. It will make your whole existence worth while, in a way that it wouldn't be without it. If you don't have one stop whatever you're doing and go get one. NOW. Seriously. I'm not joking. Here's mine (Thanks mom for playing this throughout my entire childhood):

10. And finally, I make entirely way too many lists.... and in no way am I upset about that..... it probably will always happen. Sorry. Not Sorry. 

Happy Friday!

I tried dark lips. It worked okay. For a hot second. Then ended up all over my face. #firstworldproblems

And your heart breaks...

I have grieved for the families that have had to go through this tragedy. I have grieved as a mother, my heart breaking more and more as the reality sets in for those mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, who have lost tragically in ways no one can fathom. My prayers go out to them in a stream of consistency and deliberateness.  I pray for their hearts, and the hole that is now empty in them, that there may be some peace some day that can patch even just a little bit of the pain that they are feeling now. God help them breath today, help them be able to get out of bed, help them see that they are loved, peace be with them. I pray for them and beg that they get rest, that they are able to turn their thoughts off just for a moment.....

God be with them. 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you." Isaiah 43:2

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28