The Fat Camp Bully.

Day three of Strep. I think Cabin fever is setting in. I thought I was doing better last night..... but I was wrong. I feel pretty awful right now. Not complaining, just stating facts. (Insert Gross, sick face.)

I started to think about fat camp. Yep, fat camp for my food addiction. I realized (a long time ago) that I base most of my life choices on or around food. I don't know why or when it started but I never used to care about food.... I think that all changed when I started to taste food, not just consumed it... and it has been a struggle ever since.... do I need to go to fat camp? Maybe, because of my addiction... to love... I mean food. Love of food. Food love. Obsession. Food obsession. Obsession of food... I think I may need too. Just saying.

So technically I would need to go to a Food Addiction Rehab. (I googled it.... but it just didn't sound as fun.)

After thinking about it for a while, wondering if I would survive, I created my Diary at Fat Camp:

Day 1:

Arrive. They find the steaks/candy/cookies that I smuggled in.... but they didn't find the cheesecake and stuffed hamburgers that I strapped to my body... boo-ya. They find those later. Crap. I start to bully other people at my table for their portions. I become fat camp bully which means I eat more. I'm not embarrassed. Mama's got to eat. 8 pm: I am hungry. I try to hitch hike to the nearest Arby's for stuffed hot peppers.... they catch me. Still hungry.

Day 2: 

They try to make me workout. I'm not feeling it. I fake fall and hurt myself. Nap time for me... sneak into the counselors cabin, only to find they eat healthy too. Obviously get caught.... now I have to workout, start dry heaving, blame it on the lack of carbs. These people have no pity, its pretty apparent they are robots, soulless robots. Dreamt about Reese's and garlic bread tonight.... so....very....weak.

Day 3:

I start to act out, I think it's the hallucinations from the lack of calories. I've lost a whole 1.2 pounds and my sanity. It's just too much. These people are the worst. They. Don't. Care. About. Human. Life. I must get out. I must break free. I must find biscuits and gravy. 

Day 4: 

I get kicked out of fat camp for being too difficult. Shows their weaknesses, not mine. Obviously. But I am okay at failing fat camp, I blame my strong will. I showed them. Pshhh

Day 5: 

Celebratory cannoli for breakfast. Sometimes I'm okay with my food obsession, especially when it comes to eating. 

~

Yeah, I wouldn't survive at any camp that takes me away from my love for food.

Here is what my head looks like at any given time.... just so you know what I'm dealing with on a day to day (minute by minute basis):

First and foremost... always wings. All the time in my head.

Ahhhh pizza. Pretty much perfection.

Cupcakes. Duh.

Gyoza is the best. Right??

Ribs, I had ribs for lunch....

Baked donuts. Or Krispy Kremes. Done and done.

Steak. So good. No veggie here. Sorry. Not Sorry.

Sushi time, every time. 

It's probably an addiction. Right? 

Does it look like I'm going to change my ways?? NOPE.

Happy Thursday!

Day 2: Strep On.

Things I've learned in the past 24 hours of being sick:

1. TV selection during the day really consists of CSI and Charmed. I find this depressing.

2. You consume way to many carbs while watching these shows.... I blame the suspense.

3. You HAVE to have an animal (or three) to have someone to talk to that isn't made out of cotton. It's a little more acceptable to talk to a snake or dog than a towel or a sweater.... that's just my personal thought.

4. I believe that significant others should be allowed to take off work if you are sick. Because this crap gets boring when you're the only one home.

5. There are only so many recipes I can look up before I start baking (with a mask and sanitized hands)..... the Snickerdoodles are now done, thank you for asking... from scratch.

6. Pinterest is addicting and I suddenly feel as though I have the power to craft. (I do not have the power to craft.)

7. Day 2/3 of Strep is EXHAUSTING. I just walked to the kitchen. From the living room (they're attached) and had to take a cat nap. This is ridiculous. Ri. Dic.

8. I have already phoned the Guinness Book of world records for taking the most showers in one day. They said my record was close..... I am not even halfway through the day.... I've got this. I still don't know why I think taking a shower will somehow cure and/or improve my Strep... but I am still trying. I will not, will not, give up.  

9. I have memorized most yoga poses and have yet to actually attempt any of them today.... because that would take work and energy I do not have. (They say it's the thought that counts...right?)

10. And finally, if I'm sick for much longer I will probably buy one of these in every color:

DO YOU BLAME ME?? They are just the cutest. 

How to get Through Strep...

So, it's one of the last few weeks of the summer.... Which means I had to get Strep Throat. Obviously. This always happens. Always. It is the worst. (For those of you that have had it.... you know there is no fun in it... none at all. Nada.) 

But as you know I try to make the best of a crappy (scratchy, swollen throat....fever....death warmed over) situation. I wanted to help any of you out there also get through this as painless as possible. 

My step by step to getting through Strep:

1. Figure out you have strep... they'll probably put one of these on you:

2. Get some medicine for it:

3. Get a crap ton of liquids (soup and tea for me):

4. Take a nap.

5. Take a cold shower....or ten.

6. Watch TV (I chose a marathon of this guy):

7. Shop for clothes on sites that make you feel like you are getting a discount and then you just end up buying more stuff.

8. Try not to pass out from your fever.

9. Try to surround yourself with people that want to baby the crap out of you with back massages and head massages.... if you can't find of those just pay someone at a spa to do it and pretend that they are your actual friend. (And make sure to wear your mask...so you don't get them sick)

10. Finally, don't drink wine with Strep..... I've heard that can be trippy.... that's just what I've heard.

(And make sure you wear lots of makeup....because you can almost fake yourself into believing that you aren't as sick as you really are)

Good luck ya'll and try not to be sick. Mk??