I went to the gym.....

I was awake with a sick little dude, coughing in my face... til about 4 AM. I realized at 9 am I had no coffee in the house. [cue sobbing in the bathroom for about 23 minutes while everyone else was still fast asleep] So now I am sitting here with JUST my tea-caffeine free crap- and a bowl full of refried beans and Tabasco sauce. Judge me, I dare you... honestly I'm too tired to care at this point. I'm a mess-and I fully accept it. 

The knot in my butt of testosterone replacement is doing well, thanks for asking.... it's turning into a nice shade of purple.... so I'm heading to the gym to hopefully walk it out. And speaking of the gym, I have a story for you. I just couldn't NOT share with you. 

A few days ago I was at the gym, I try to go at the slowest times possible, I am gym antisocial and EXTREMELY sweaty.... those two things don't need high traffic. I made it to my stationary bike, towel in hand, layers of shirts and lack of any desire to be there what so ever... but I promised my doctor I'd try my best...... and I had nothing else going on. I set my settings, logged myself in and chose my course.

Feeling more and more like wings sounded better than being at the gym.

I settled into my jaunt around some ridiculously themed track on my bike screen and I was thoroughly trying to enjoy myself when I felt someones eyes on me.

 I scan the room, Caroline by Amine blasting in my headphones.

In the middle of a very slow gym 

stood a man at a solid 5' 8", deeply tanned, oiled [yes, oiled] arms-neck-chest, spiked, frosted tips, cut off sleeves [tapered in at the nipples], topped off with some extra short shorts even I would be cautious while wearing. He was holding himself with a deep self-confidence most would envy. Arms crossed, one knee bowed to the side-looking seriously serious about something that was really, really serious. [Furrowed brow and all]

I started to become increasingly concerned with the strong almost constipated looks he was creating. His stance was strong-only moving enough to adjust from one leg bend to another..... 

He continued this stance for about ten minutes. I was beyond invested at this point. 

AND THEN.

And then, you guys.

He walked past me. He was FINALLY done with his dedicated posing and worrisome looks.....

As he walks by.... the most shockingly.... offensive.... crop dust of all times enveloped my face, my body, and I truly believe- my soul as well.

I could not contain myself. 

The uncontrollable giggle could not be contained.

The smell was so rude.

BUT his commitment to trying to air it out for SO long was beyond impressive, I had to give it to him.

Let me be honest, I hate working out. So, when I workout I need entertainment. And that, my dear loves, that gave me so much to hold on too.

So that is my entirely pointless story. Have a wonderful Sunday!

My sick boos still being sick 

Day 2: Strep On.

Things I've learned in the past 24 hours of being sick:

1. TV selection during the day really consists of CSI and Charmed. I find this depressing.

2. You consume way to many carbs while watching these shows.... I blame the suspense.

3. You HAVE to have an animal (or three) to have someone to talk to that isn't made out of cotton. It's a little more acceptable to talk to a snake or dog than a towel or a sweater.... that's just my personal thought.

4. I believe that significant others should be allowed to take off work if you are sick. Because this crap gets boring when you're the only one home.

5. There are only so many recipes I can look up before I start baking (with a mask and sanitized hands)..... the Snickerdoodles are now done, thank you for asking... from scratch.

6. Pinterest is addicting and I suddenly feel as though I have the power to craft. (I do not have the power to craft.)

7. Day 2/3 of Strep is EXHAUSTING. I just walked to the kitchen. From the living room (they're attached) and had to take a cat nap. This is ridiculous. Ri. Dic.

8. I have already phoned the Guinness Book of world records for taking the most showers in one day. They said my record was close..... I am not even halfway through the day.... I've got this. I still don't know why I think taking a shower will somehow cure and/or improve my Strep... but I am still trying. I will not, will not, give up.  

9. I have memorized most yoga poses and have yet to actually attempt any of them today.... because that would take work and energy I do not have. (They say it's the thought that counts...right?)

10. And finally, if I'm sick for much longer I will probably buy one of these in every color:

DO YOU BLAME ME?? They are just the cutest. 

How to get Through Strep...

So, it's one of the last few weeks of the summer.... Which means I had to get Strep Throat. Obviously. This always happens. Always. It is the worst. (For those of you that have had it.... you know there is no fun in it... none at all. Nada.) 

But as you know I try to make the best of a crappy (scratchy, swollen throat....fever....death warmed over) situation. I wanted to help any of you out there also get through this as painless as possible. 

My step by step to getting through Strep:

1. Figure out you have strep... they'll probably put one of these on you:

2. Get some medicine for it:

3. Get a crap ton of liquids (soup and tea for me):

4. Take a nap.

5. Take a cold shower....or ten.

6. Watch TV (I chose a marathon of this guy):

7. Shop for clothes on sites that make you feel like you are getting a discount and then you just end up buying more stuff.

8. Try not to pass out from your fever.

9. Try to surround yourself with people that want to baby the crap out of you with back massages and head massages.... if you can't find of those just pay someone at a spa to do it and pretend that they are your actual friend. (And make sure to wear your mask...so you don't get them sick)

10. Finally, don't drink wine with Strep..... I've heard that can be trippy.... that's just what I've heard.

(And make sure you wear lots of makeup....because you can almost fake yourself into believing that you aren't as sick as you really are)

Good luck ya'll and try not to be sick. Mk?? 

Sick Days and Elf Ways.

We have come down with a stinky virus at this house and we are trying our hardest to get over it as fast as we can, we have resorted to many snuggles, Christmas (and the occasional karate) themed movies, chocolate malt shakes, and giggles. It is safe to say that all this is working. And while we are recovering a little Elf on the Shelf we know and love has made it's way back into the house nightly ;) Here are some of the peculiar places that we have found her:

Day One she thought she would drop by with her favorite Austrian Dark Chocolate.

Day Two she tried to hide a surprise under some 'snow'.

Day Three she got a little carried away with the candy and may have found herself stuck!

And Day Four she tries to rider her friendly (40 in!!) horse to bring a gift as well. 

I have had a blast with our Elf on the Shelf and I can't wait to come up with other ideas for the rest of the month. I am trying my own spin on it, our Elf brings little gifts every day for 24 days from the North pole, she is our own personal Advent Calendar! Are you trying anything unique with your Elf this year??

The Trouble with the Missing Voice

You would think that after all my experience with this time here on earth I would predict and be prepared to have Laryngitis...but it yet again plagued me. This didn't used to be a problem before babies and pets, but now...now it poses a problem or two.

It is hard to instruct, explain, ask, answer....when you can't talk and your children can't read yet....and your pets can't either for that matter. So today I am trying to save my voice...my instructions....my explanations for only the really important things. But when you are young, everything is really important. I think I might hire a translator. Yes I might just do that....

Well, until then I think I need another Venti Peppermint Mocha....chicken noodle soup...and some awesome snuggles. Have a great Wednesday....

Oh! And my new bed frame will be here today!Yay!

It's the little things in life that make me happy!