That one time..... What not to Wear.

I know that I am not one to give 'advice' on fashion... due to the unfortunate items that have grazed my body over the past few decades. And I am just going to be honest.... in the future there will probably be times were I will wear items of clothing that will make people question many things about me.... including, but not limited to, the fact that I may actually be color blind.

I am not.

But my fashion sense may be. 

I'm, of course, getting off topic. Back to fashion and me not being the person to criticize it..... I actually am going to do just that. 

Today I was browsing some of my favorite guilty pleasure sites when I found some items that literally terrified me. The thought that someone may actually be seen on the streets wearing these gave me an actual chill of fear. Fear. Real, true fear. 

I am not going to give away what site it was because I still love shopping there but I am going to show you what I am talking about..... Here they are the top three scariest things that I have found currently being sold as acceptable fashion wear on a human being.............

First, this ONE PIECE: 

Second... the summer version on THAT one piece: 

And, finally.... last but the opposite of the least..... THIS SKIRT:

No. This is not a joke. Yes.... if I see you wearing this I will shake my head in frustration and sadness..... 

These are not being sold on an inappropriate site either.... just a fashion site. Honest to goodness.

I hope you have enjoyed these fashion finds as much as I have. *Shiver

Happy Heffalump Day! 

(And no.... I did NOT write this while wearing overalls)

Top Ten Tanning No-No's.

So I used to be a tanning bed addict. I went way to much. I was not 'naturally' as pigmented as those around me were led to believe. I knew it was bad for me, caused wrinkles and I was stupid. And young. Then I switched to spray tans....then lotion. It's been a whole thing, I don't really need to get into it. You get the point. But there are rare occasions that I grace these beds. These tanning bulbs. Just sometimes. And over the years I have observed some things not to do while in the presence of a tanning bed, and here they are:

1. First and foremost, Falling asleep, it's a no-no. Like the biggest no-no out there...and yet this is what I used to do EVERYTIME I tanned...until I found the stand ups. They saved my life. Although I am pretty terrified that I will fall asleep in one of those [FACEBURNNNNN] I can only imagine.

2. Using tingling lotion with sensitive skin, let's just say I didn't know what tingler did. The end. It was awful. Let's drop it [Ralph: Taste like burning].

3. Putting oil on.... now, I did not DO THIS, but I've known people that have.... This is how I feel about that:

4. Not locking the door.... guilty. Leads to awkward, "Oh..sorry I didn't see....I didn't know....I'm just going to leave now." situations.

5. Walking in on someone that did not lock the door.... like number 4 but reverse...and more comical.

6. Forgetting to put your hair up and having hair lines... the joys and trials of having long hair. Always remember a hair tie. No one wants weird tan lines....except this lady maybe:

Unforgiving tan lines= never a good time.

7. Using the tanning stickers.... It just makes you look easy. Yes, I had one in high school. Thank goodness I wore overalls to class. That kind of trumped the sticker. Completely.

8. Having a suspicious mole and tanning anyway, don't do that. I never have, but it just is stupid. Go to the dermatologist and check that out first.

9. Singing at the top of your lungs, I did/do this all the time. Most recent (No I won't tell you when...last week) I was singing to one of my favorite old-school Eminem songs and they switched stations on me...mid-song. Not cool. Not cool brah.

10. Falling out of the tanning room. Okay, let's talk about this for a second. This happened to someone I know...not me last week. Sometimes those rooms are super small and the doors don't lock that well, and sometimes you wear skinny jeans to the tanning bed. And sometimes when you try to take your skinny jeans off your foot gets stuck and sometimes when your foot gets stuck you trip, and sometimes when you trip you fall into the door of the tanning room, and sometimes when you do that the door you land on swings open...and you fall out. I don't know....I just have heard that happens sometimes. And I've heard that it is super embarrassing. And that people shouldn't judge people that this happens too.

So those are my top ten tanning no-no's. In general though I encourage everyone to skip the lights and get the lotion/sprays. Save your skin and your pocket! Happy Friday!

TGIF. Note to self: Skirts are harder to trip over :)