I'm going through changes [Pt 2]

So......... still 30.

Opens a Trinidad from Fanny Mae because I do life RIGHT.

Also, cracks open a beer... because wine hurts my belly. [GERD]

Dear Mrs. Smith:

You're 30 so here is Low T... which includes: Cystic Acne, facial hair, low 'snuggle' drive, exhaustion, and EXTREME anger. Here is a shot in the ass once a month. *gets shot in ass* [allergic to the cottonseed oil in shot- pukes and has injection rejected throughout the body for three weeks]

Still has a beard..... still has massive zits creating pain only Satan himself would wish upon me. [I know you're still making me pay for what I did freshman year *never forget* cue me brushing me beard out]

Hello 30 year old Bethanie.. with an IE. 

IE unlike any other Bethany ever born, ever. 

Fun story... I was born with an insanely massive tongue. Like, so big I have permanent teeth marks on my tongue from childhood. Like, I had a lisp I STILL battle controlling circa 1989 [your boo at 2 years old]... and it's STILL not adorable.

Please-for my years of crippling social anxiety, introversion, and self doubt say, 'Bethanie Nicole Nicolas' with a strong lisp, ten times fast. 

YEAHHHHHH, sign me up for therapy *1997*

[doesn't actually make it to therapy till 2006-damage is already done.... *too f-ed up to solve worlds problems, get's a pizza instead- orders self help books on Prime, falls asleep early, immediately after meditation app completes session*7 PM*]

God, you're STILL 30. 

My daughter's response to love shit.... she gets it... more than most adults. #getitgirl

How to: Birthday Style.

In honor of my brothers birthday I wanted to post a blog about how to celebrate your birthday in the most awesome way possible.... in ten easy steps:

1. Take a bubble bath... in champagne. Call it a birthday bubbly bath. Do it.

2. Have a life size cake made for you... and YOU pop out of it. And then eat it. All by yourself.

3. Rent a Bentley.

4. Hire a clown, and then cancel that crap. No one wants to be scared on their birthday.

5. Charge an expense outfit to your credit card... and regret it tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow.

6. Find the closest big city... and own it.

7. You need an entourage to own the city, get an entourage. Make sure they are ridiculously good looking.

8. Get a hype man. Everyone needs a hype man, especially on their birthday. 

9. Adopt a sloth... who wouldn't want a sloth, I mean honestly.... best. pet. ever.

10. Then you know, just be yourself. Have fun. Don't try too hard. Life should be easy, especially on your birthday.

Family. Pictures.

Well, it's Wednesday and I have decided that I want to post Monday/Wednesday/Friday so that there is some type of schedule that is easier to follow for you all! I will try to stick with that, don't hate me if I don't LOL

Right now my thoughts were interrupted by a commercial about self lubricating catheters..... so that is happening right now. I hope you are enjoying the visual like I am.... so much so. So great. Self.lubricating.catheter. great. Now that I have that burned into your brain lets get on with Hump day.

I have scheduled family pictures for the past 4 weeks. Every time we go to get them taken it rains. Every single time. And finally today is, hopefully, the day that it actually is going to happen. So here's hoping. And yes, they will be cheesy, goofy pictures. You've been warned. I will post them later along with a fabulous review on our photog.... I can't wait. Can you tell.

Here are some ideas I've been throwing around for family pictures.... let me know what you think:

I like themes.... and this just looked so natural to me.

Sometimes the perfect moment for a picture hits at the perfect moment for a bowl movement, why choose one when you can do both?

Cats. Why not?

I'll bring the hairspray, you bring the spunk. This picture is a home run in my opinion.

Look at the adventure and fun in this picture. Believable?? I think so.

I wanted to do a couples picture, and this all just seemed so...classy.

A family that....is hands on is a family that gets it. Get it, 'hands on'.....

Just so much yes....so much. SO MUCH.

I want to go Medieval on this picture... it's so fabulous.

And then lastly.... what is family pictures without a gun and bird? I don't know, and I don't want to know.

Wish us luck!! 

Hot Tub.

I have been trying to convince certain people, that I love, that it would be in our BEST INTEREST if I purchased a hot tub. (Mind you I would be taking money I was going to put towards something a little more legit (paying off my car) but that is beside the point). Though I was never told outright it was a bad idea.... I'm pretty sure the response I got was, "You're not so go with money...are you?" OUCH! It's a deep cut those words.... though, extremely valid when it comes to me buying stuff I want..........sometimes my self-control is on the DL.  [Down Low]

Since I have brought it up a few times... with no positive response, I've decided to reason with all of you!

Reasons why we need a hot tub:

1. Back Pain.... we both have horrible backs, so it would save us the cost on massages, medicine, etc. (So it pretty much pays for itself.)

2. Family bonding time, a family that hangs out in warm water together, stays together.

3. Year round use. So it's practical.

4. Another way to heat food that is in packaging if your oven or microwave stop working. 

5. Relaxation, I have hectic days from time to time... mama needs to relax. (Saves certain people having to massage my back)

6. Instant Attitude Improvement. It's scientific... trust me, I Googled it.

7. Another reason to buy more bathing suits.... (I can just see the grimace now ;))

8. Foam Party. Epic Foam Party.

9. Encourages a healthy diet. Because the less clothes you have on, the more you are aware of the ridiculous that is your body.

10. Finally, it doubles as a tub if need be. That's just logic right there. And I like being prepared. 

Seeeeeeeee..... It's a need more than a want. A NEED. 

Animal lover.

The people that I surround myself with usually (quickly) come to the realization that I have very unique taste. I think that over the years it has become a little more refined... not so terrifying. But there are times where all style and commonsense go out  the window for me.... because I get excited about things. Sorry #notsorry (Yes, I just hash-tagged on my blog :))

I love bold items... and I love pets. Animals of all kinds, shapes and sizes (minus Baboons... they're just not my thing) so when I can incorporate bold things or animal something into my life.... I do. Because they make life better. 

 All this to say, I have been on the hunt for a king size headboard and comforter set.... I found a fabulous headboard that I am pretty much in love with:

But when it came to finding the right comforter set I have had no luck.... clicking and searching to no avail. Until.......... I found something that combines my love of Dolphins and comfort: 

I mean...right?? This is a totally acceptable comforter for an adult. I've decided.

Happy Twerking Tuesday Ya'll, I hope you had a great weekend!