Wednesday Makeup (Kinda) Review: Fake it till you Make it.

Fake. Bake. 

I love it. I always have loved fake baking.... it's a problems that stems back to my mother's Hawaiian Tropicana days.... (Yeah, she was one of those girls :) You're welcome mom) I have always tanned in one way or the other... usually the most unhealthy ways possible (they are fast... and I'm impatient.) But as I've grown up (Not gotten older) I have realized that I need to take care of my skin and stay away from things that could cause cancer, wrinkles, etc. I have ventured into the world of spray tans, foam tans, lotion tans, and even tan tissues.... And most of the times it ends in disaster, streaks, issues, smells, and many more things that I wish not to revisit.... Remember: Tanning Disaster. That was only a few months ago... I'm still a little gun shy. 

I had heard a lot about Fake Bake and the mitt that it comes with.... it sounded almost to good to be true... so I had to test it out, obviously. I waited months, and finally broke down and spent the whole $15 dollars on Amazon.com to get this stuff.....

I waited till no one was home and I knew no one would be home for a while and I exfoliated.... so much exfoliation. I wanted to make sure my skin was primed... I'm pretty sure it was more raw than primed. Anyway, I was ready. I followed the instructions and sprayed the mitt and started to work my way around my epidermis until I coated, circularly, my entire body. I was shocked. There was not a streak to be seen, a mark to be found, an item out of place. It was on and I wasn't afraid..... This was weird. The smell was not overbearing, and it dried fairly fast. I was impressed. I'm not going to lie. 

After hours and hours and sleeping on it, I woke up to see a pretty tanned behind..... I was pumped. I am going on day five and I am finally seeing it wear down a little bit but for the price, and the smell, and the application, I can't imagine myself using anything else from now on....

No, I didn't go to the beach, I Fake Baked.

Two hour development.... holy cow.

Be Impressed.

My amazing friend Carrie did my makeup today! Check her out here: StaGlam (Blog on her work to follow :))

Happy Hump Day and don't forget to checkout Bethanie, Uninterrupted Facebook page!

Tan-me-Not.

I don't even know how to start this. But, here it goes. Last night I thought I would be.....frugal. Stupid idea, I know. I decided to put tanning lotion on. But I did this while texting, and blogging, and tweeting and I was not really paying attention to what I was doing....and it shows. 

Sorry I just paused to put my head in my hands and cry softly. 

Why you ask, did I not just wait the nine hours and get sprayed professionally? Because I was stupid. Okay? 

So I woke up this morning and it looked like someone has smeared orange streaky cat poop on my legs. And one arm. And my ankles. And my wrists. And my.... you get the idea. It was bad. It was ridiculous. It was not what I was expecting. 

What to do in this situation? Google what to do? Youtube a solution? Nope.

Panic.

Duh.

So what did I do???

Got a spray tan. ON TOP of the lotion. 

Yep.

Insert comments. Shaking heads. Disbelief. 

So I'm orange.

Less streaky. 

But orange. 

Happy birthday to me. (No, it's not really my birthday)

So the pictures obviously do not do the mess justice but here they are ( The last pictures is after the spray tan) 

In person it is Epically bad. 

Oh and it just gets better. I accidentally spray tanned my palms. Yep! Forgot to put lotion on them. 

My body: Is a orange, streaky, tan lotion smelling mess. Thanks Friday. Thanks for being awful. 

Hope you all have a great day..............

Top Ten Tanning No-No's.

So I used to be a tanning bed addict. I went way to much. I was not 'naturally' as pigmented as those around me were led to believe. I knew it was bad for me, caused wrinkles and I was stupid. And young. Then I switched to spray tans....then lotion. It's been a whole thing, I don't really need to get into it. You get the point. But there are rare occasions that I grace these beds. These tanning bulbs. Just sometimes. And over the years I have observed some things not to do while in the presence of a tanning bed, and here they are:

1. First and foremost, Falling asleep, it's a no-no. Like the biggest no-no out there...and yet this is what I used to do EVERYTIME I tanned...until I found the stand ups. They saved my life. Although I am pretty terrified that I will fall asleep in one of those [FACEBURNNNNN] I can only imagine.

2. Using tingling lotion with sensitive skin, let's just say I didn't know what tingler did. The end. It was awful. Let's drop it [Ralph: Taste like burning].

3. Putting oil on.... now, I did not DO THIS, but I've known people that have.... This is how I feel about that:

4. Not locking the door.... guilty. Leads to awkward, "Oh..sorry I didn't see....I didn't know....I'm just going to leave now." situations.

5. Walking in on someone that did not lock the door.... like number 4 but reverse...and more comical.

6. Forgetting to put your hair up and having hair lines... the joys and trials of having long hair. Always remember a hair tie. No one wants weird tan lines....except this lady maybe:

Unforgiving tan lines= never a good time.

7. Using the tanning stickers.... It just makes you look easy. Yes, I had one in high school. Thank goodness I wore overalls to class. That kind of trumped the sticker. Completely.

8. Having a suspicious mole and tanning anyway, don't do that. I never have, but it just is stupid. Go to the dermatologist and check that out first.

9. Singing at the top of your lungs, I did/do this all the time. Most recent (No I won't tell you when...last week) I was singing to one of my favorite old-school Eminem songs and they switched stations on me...mid-song. Not cool. Not cool brah.

10. Falling out of the tanning room. Okay, let's talk about this for a second. This happened to someone I know...not me last week. Sometimes those rooms are super small and the doors don't lock that well, and sometimes you wear skinny jeans to the tanning bed. And sometimes when you try to take your skinny jeans off your foot gets stuck and sometimes when your foot gets stuck you trip, and sometimes when you trip you fall into the door of the tanning room, and sometimes when you do that the door you land on swings open...and you fall out. I don't know....I just have heard that happens sometimes. And I've heard that it is super embarrassing. And that people shouldn't judge people that this happens too.

So those are my top ten tanning no-no's. In general though I encourage everyone to skip the lights and get the lotion/sprays. Save your skin and your pocket! Happy Friday!

TGIF. Note to self: Skirts are harder to trip over :)