Today I was thinking... I was watching someone make homemade pasta, and for some reason it made me think deeply about something so close to my heart.
Today I asked myself a question (note to yourself, never stop asking yourself questions.... it's a good thing) what is one thing I cannot have that I wish I could have. Something that is not actual possible.
It took about a millisecond to think of it. And I want to share it, because it means the world to me. And I want you to feel my joy from it (though there is sadness there as well), if that makes sense?
I want to be in my Grandma Greats kitchen. I want to be there during the school year-when most everyone else in her life was too busy to visit her. I want to be there right after school, when I got someone else to drive my brother home.... when I made it there before Jeopardy... at the tail end of Wheel of Fortune. I want to walk in the door as Grandma Great is talking about Vanna Whites waist size and how I better not let carbs get the best of me like she did (sorry grandma I did let carbs get the best of me and I now know what you mean.. but pizza is life). I want to sit down with her, she'll tell me for about an hour how she wants to die and I tell her it doesn't work that way God and me won't let you. Sorry, not sorry.... I think I created that phrase because of her. No you can't die. We would get passed that, every time and then she would get up. And that's when I knew I was in for a treat. She would ask me, 'Do you have to leave soon?' and she and I both knew I had no where to be but on her couch.... I would follow her to her kitchen, the same way I did when I was a kid in her farm kitchen. It was a different location but she made it work. She hated it, it wasn't home like home had been but it was what she had. A farmhouse to a duplex. She handled it so much better than I ever could have. I bitch WAY to much to be anything as amazing as she was. But I hope someday I am an eighth of a woman she was.... she was everything.
Then, then you guys, she did the most magical thing in the world. She turned nothing into something perfect. She was a magician. She never taught me to do anything perfectly, she always taught me to acclimate to anything worth acclimating too. Grandma Great was a baking goddess. There is no other title to describe her than complete goddess. She spoke love with her hands and it was beautiful. I always thought she was a magician, she asked you the problem and as she listened she started putting together the recipe of whatever baked good you needed to soothe your soul, and she was never wrong. (accept for those dumb dieting bitches...she hated those in the family) You had a relationship problem? There was a cherry pie with your name on it, from scratch, within an hour. You had a friendship issue, buckeyes. A spouse problem, thumbprints. A sibling problem, caramels. It always was changing depending on what her soul spoke.
So when I asked myself today, what is one thing I could have, that there was no possible way to have.... it was this:
'I wish I could walk through her door, one more time, and sit down...and have her make the perfect dessert for missing her.'
I know, that is beyond depressing sounding, but I have found a dessert to make for most every other situation, just like she taught me... but that is one feeling I've never been able to bake for. My kitchen is covered in memories of her, my summers with her, our game show days, every moment in the kitchen I cherish-she was in. So to me I think that there should be an amazingly light dessert to represent her, even missing her it should be light/it should be warm/it should be memorable.
So that is my 'if I could moment.'
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| Throw back to Olan Mills repping. |
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| Bow... on.... FLEEK. |
