That one time you ....

Men and small children, turn back you aren't welcome here today. I said...turn back. Why are you still reading? You no welcome. Go home now. 

Anyway, you've been warned. I am done trying to save you from this uncomfortable post.....

My family has the hardest struggles when it comes to our lady bits (told you it was getting gross).... cysts, Endometriosis, and many more issues. Therefore, when it comes to medicine that can aide in the limitation of our discomfort, we are all more than willing to participate. When I was offered something that could help me recently, I jumped on it. It is called an IUD. I will not go into details most of you know what that is and if you do not, Google dot com it. Obviously.

Gross. You're welcome 

I was told that it was simple procedure, it was nothing to worry about, I was told I 'wouldn't feel a thing' and I could 'go back to my normal activities' as soon as I left the office.

They. Lied. To. Me.

Let's just say I rather had been in labor than the pain this little T-shaped jerk was causing me. 

I ran into one of my lovely friends at my daughter's school the next day, and after the kids went in I looked at her and told her the reason I looked so worn down and exhausted, I had just had an IUD put in. 

She looked at me a little taken back, confused even.... (I realized then I may have been a little too open) But I smiled and said, "Yeah, it was not fun. I don't even know how I am standing here right now." She courteously smiled at me, but behind her eyes... I saw fear. 

Flash forward about four hours later.... I had really felt as though I had over stepped my bounds... I had said too much.... I was feeling pretty ridiculous when I received a text from the same friend....

"So, I think I'm hearing dyslexic.... I thought you had said you had gotten a DUI."

Party.

Let me just tell you this was the most amazingly reassuring text I had ever received. And hysterical at the same time. 

And at that moment I thought, this is why we're friends ;)

PS. I recommend no one ever gets an IUD. I lasted two weeks with it and almost died. 

The End. 

Sorry about that.

I took a mini vaca. From you guys. And I'm sorry. But the stress of having to perform was just getting to be too much to handle. I was having night sweats. I was crying in my sleep. I had nightmares that there were giant letters trying to attack me. I had to take a step back. And it was intense. And it was awesome. But then something happened. I started to miss you all. I started to miss your scent. I felt as though....'I was in glass cage of emotion!!!'

So, I'm back. I hope you unhealthily missed me as much as I did you. And it's Thursday to boot. Which means we are just one day closer to the weekend. And I love that. So. Very. Much. But something has been disturbing me, and I wanted to share it with you. My birthday is coming up. In just under two weeks. And I have decided to make it less horrible than the last. There will be no crying. (In public) There will be no temper tantrums (You're welcome mom). And there will be no kicking or screaming (You're welcome EVERYONE).

Here is what I'm going to do instead. In picture form:

1. I will probably stuff my face. A lot. Like this:
      

2.Then I'll probably dry cry...that's allowed, right?

3.Then... I'll try to hide from reality. It might work. Hush yourself.

4.Then this will definitely happen....whatever this is:

 

5. Then I'll find a puddle. And bury myself in it. Just like this:

6. Then I'm going to get a tattoo that I INSTANTLY regret:

7. Then this will happen. Probably for the rest of the day. Helmet INCLUDED:

8. I might allow ONE. SINGLE. TEAR. to fall from my face. Because it is my party, I'll cry if I wanna!

9.

10. Then I'll finish the day like this: While looking at pictures of cats like this: (SNUGGLES) (SLEEP) (SUCCESS)