Mom Bod.

I had sushi tonight... because sushi is life. Duh.... 

I am sitting here, changed out of my loose romper into my roomier elastic band shorts and man shirt..... and I need to talk about what is happening. It is insane how much this happens.... it IS an epidemic and it is NOT our faults. It's those damn kids we had.... literally stop judging me.... they are perfect and wonderful and I don't regret having them for a single millisecond BUT they change things. They change a lot of things. 

So lets get deep into what happens... I want to break this reality wide open. But, I swear, if I end up being the only one going through this, I am going to be so pissed, because then it isn't mom bod-it is just my bod.... and if that is the case then just lie to me, please:

1. I had two c-sections, not by choice but because my hip bones are viced together like two codependent lovers with trust issues.... I tried all natural labor for 52 hours with Mini and I dilated 1 cm at 42 weeks and almost had a stroke, your girl tried. Rushed into an emergency c-section, they numbed the wrong part of my body, I felt them cutting me open, I almost broke my teeth chattering etc.... yeah I earned that kid.... but the doctors in Florida are bosses and they stitch your belly tight and right-apparently that isn't required in Indiana....... rude. 

*I found that out second kid in, and now I am sitting here with Zorro's signature etched into my skin between my puffin and my belly button. The great thing about the top notch stick work is that this has created a shelf I keep all of our fine china on. Thanks to my Gyno, Thanksgiving has some fancy pieces I keep tucked in my Spanx for safe keeping-don't worry they won't be budging off my shelf... I'm a professional at skin packing. Speaking of...........

2. I remember many, many years ago this thing.... the name eludes me most days. I don't know if I am the only one that knows it only as just a very faint memory..... it's that thing called, if I remember correctly, skin elasticity? Yes, that's it. I used to have that! I am sure of it, but BABES where did it go? Like, she gone. She bye Felicia'd me a long time ago. I have to tuck this skin in everywhere. I am losing places to put it... I've only got so many pockets in these overalls.....I have gained some new skills thanks to high waisted shorts.... thanks to duck tape.... thanks to Youtube.... it takes a village to find places for all these folds.... But those skin rolls do come in handy for nights like tonight=

3. Because as I sit here, the sodium and carbs have created the CUTEST baby belly ever.... [not pregnant with anything but emotions]

4. Moving on, who else finds those boob stretchmarks unnecessary? Just me? No? I mean I have rocked butt stretchmarks since I was 11, because I'm a damn giant so obviously I got my Tiger stripes early. BUT did I need to add them 20 years later to every other surface of my body? DID I? I didn't need to but y'all my body is an overachiever.... now I know where my kids get it. 

Last but certainly not least....

5. You know the last unexpected gift I received from my post baby bod? Moments after my first was born, they actually showing up on my face and I was gifted with not one but two... Those really awesome black rings- you know the ones right under your bloodshot eyes providing proof of the next 18 years of exhaustion you have embarked on. But to non-parents it just looks like I have ridden the back of a dragon who has just risen from the flames of the 7th realm of hell to carry me off to my sacrifice every single morning only to return me once again at night during 'bed time'. No, I am not sick.... No, I am not hungover, No, the Toddler didn't break my nose again...... I'm a MOTHER.... ok? These are mother eyes... or is it also, just me? Is it? Oh god.... am I the only mess? 

Crap.

Ok.... maybe this is just a 'me' thing, but as I am rubbing my baby sushi belly-I just needed to talk about it, because.... I'm on this struggle bus some days and I hope I'm not the only one.... 

I hope you all stay cool today! Happy Sunday. 

Living my best life.