Hello, My Name Is.....

Today I though maybe we should..... get to know me better?

Ew, honestly I just threw up a little bit thinking about how obnoxious that sounds.... but I know some of you may not know the chick behind the blog... so I'm going to share... I'm sorry ahead of time. 

Ten random, pointless facts about myself: 

1. I was and am still super nerdy. I totally own it, being my true nerdy self makes me feel safe and at home. [this combined with my insane social anxiety end up clashing many, many times over... but when I feel safe enough around someone to let my nerd flag fly... I'm in utopia]

2. So I guess, my social anxiety is a thing... I love blogging because if I embarrass myself on here, I don't have to see your reaction. After my brother died, my social anxiety really blossomed into what it is now. He was always my 'security blanket', he would always be beside me, and would kind of throw me into meeting people.... and some of my favorite people came from him doing that.... and for that- I will be eternally grateful. [If you never had the chance to meet him, you missed out... he was the best. ever. period]

3. I own 12 grey oversized v-neck [with the side pocket] t-shirts..... I wish I had more. I own dresses and fancy crap... but every time I don't know what to wear, they magically end up on my body.... and I'm here for it. 

4. My kids are my actual life, I am beyond worried about what I'm going to do with myself when they graduate.... high school. I have been tempted on more that one occasion to have more children, just so that I don't have to worry about being empty nesting for another 5 years after the Toddler graduates.... and by then Mini could maybe be having my grandchildren... which would save me from myself.... lord help my children..... they mama is cray.

-I will say this: if they both don't fully pursue their dreams and fly this crazy coop as soon as they can, to be whatever they decide to be, I will shove them out the door myself. But I will be there every step of the way, continuously so stinking proud of them, and I cannot wait for that time of life. but please go slow. I want to love every moment of each of their lives... they are magic. 

5. I LOVE fashion. When I was 17 I was accepted into FIT in New York.... based solely off my essay I wrote *thanks to my almost unhealthy obsession with Narciso Rodriguez*.... I didn't go thanks to many sources deterring me. I, to this day, regret listening to those not encouraging my dreams... Thanks to reflection and time I have worked through understandable resentment, and really honed into my forgiveness skills. *Jesus took that wheel*

6. I bake like a boss. Just, I do. You want a cheesecake? DONE. You want creme brulee? Mine is about 100x better than any crap you're getting around town. I'm pretty self depreciating in most areas of my life [working on it] but when it comes to baking, I'll make your sweet tooth happy AF.

7. I feel guilty about everything... my family has always joked about my 'catholic' guilt... since I'm not catholic. There's a joke in there somewhere......

8. I had a VERY short lived music, moment? Myspace. Three songs. Was contacted by a few labels... I thought I was epic at the time [I WAS NOT].... my dad told me not to pursue it because it would hurt my brothers feelings. And NO you cannot google me, I didn't use my name... THANK GOD. 

9. I spent most of my Summer, Winter, Spring breaks in Michigan... Petoskey. With some of my favorite people. They made me.... I had so many first of my life there. Some of my best moments, most of my best moments before 18, were there. They still are everything in my heart. If you haven't been, go. Everything is so clear and calm there. You won't regret it. 

Finally, I am done rambling your eyes off with beyond stupid, lame 'ten things about me' that really no one cares about but I still did because I'm basic. After this last one:

10. I'm just a really awkward introvert, who is spending her life trying to figure out how to grieve my [brother] best friend forever [he passed away in 2013], trying to not completely be a hermit, be a good mom, friend, wife, daughter, and still find who I am..... And for that I am so sorry, y'all... you are here for this mess. Thank you for reading, I'm not kidding... it means more than you know. 

Happy Tuesday boo thangs. You're all the real MVPs.

12/13 years ago me.... Yes. #emogirl