The Cleanse... Day 1.

I am doing a three day cleanse. I am using a combination of a few cleanses I've researched and then, of course, I am making my own changes to it along the way. You get to experience this (if you want too) with me! Lucky you!

I'm excited to get this started...And also terrified.

Start off with cost, it was about $120 for all the ingredients for this for three days. That also includes a month worth of probiotics and vitamins. (Which were about $25)

Let us get started. 

Breakfast. I get up early... usually now. (Thanks to my handsome man's job.... 5:30 AM... gross)

1. One or Two glasses of water (I flavor it because I hate water in the morning.)

2. Then One mug of green tea with a lemon slice with Stevia or a TSP of light Agave Syrup.

3. Next take your Vitamins (I like gummy and I got them with Omega 3 and DHA) 

4. Then I drank another glass of water.

5. At about 9:30 I drank my first smoothie. I will list the recipes at the bottom of this post.

6. At 10:30/11 I take my TruBiotics.

7. At noon it's time for this Green Beast... it was disgusting. I couldn't do it. So I drank water instead.

8. Time for some more water.... I'm going to attempted 3 to 4 more glasses to keep my stomach full and I'm taking another multivitamin.

9. Snack time... I decided to make my own creation off of things that I have researched. I made Smoothie 1. 

10. Dinner time. I was convinced against my hazy judgement that I needed to eat some actual food. So I had an actual meal and now I don't feel as though I will pass out at any given moment. 

I was not meant to stop food cold turkey.... obviously. 

So we have made it through day 1. 

My Feelings:

I definitely felt lightheaded this morning until about 11 AM. I craved food but that is in my nature so I was not to surprised. Overall I am glad that it is done and I am interested to see how tomorrow goes, hopefully I can make it through the whole day without needing more food. 

Recipes:

Breakfast

1 cup of water

A banana

1-1/2 c. of raspberry

TBS. Flaxseed

TBS. Almond Butter

1/2 c. of spinach leaves

1/2 a lemon juice

Blend and chill.

Smoothie 1 

1 cup of coconut water

A banana

1-1/2 c. of raspberry

TBS. Flaxseed

1 1/2 c. of spinach leaves

1/2 a lemon juice

1/4 pineapple

That one time..... What not to Wear.

I know that I am not one to give 'advice' on fashion... due to the unfortunate items that have grazed my body over the past few decades. And I am just going to be honest.... in the future there will probably be times were I will wear items of clothing that will make people question many things about me.... including, but not limited to, the fact that I may actually be color blind.

I am not.

But my fashion sense may be. 

I'm, of course, getting off topic. Back to fashion and me not being the person to criticize it..... I actually am going to do just that. 

Today I was browsing some of my favorite guilty pleasure sites when I found some items that literally terrified me. The thought that someone may actually be seen on the streets wearing these gave me an actual chill of fear. Fear. Real, true fear. 

I am not going to give away what site it was because I still love shopping there but I am going to show you what I am talking about..... Here they are the top three scariest things that I have found currently being sold as acceptable fashion wear on a human being.............

First, this ONE PIECE: 

Second... the summer version on THAT one piece: 

And, finally.... last but the opposite of the least..... THIS SKIRT:

No. This is not a joke. Yes.... if I see you wearing this I will shake my head in frustration and sadness..... 

These are not being sold on an inappropriate site either.... just a fashion site. Honest to goodness.

I hope you have enjoyed these fashion finds as much as I have. *Shiver

Happy Heffalump Day! 

(And no.... I did NOT write this while wearing overalls)

How To.... Watch Reality TV. (Real Housewives' Edition)

There are many times in life that I have wanted so badly to have a manual....a 'how to'.... for a situation, event, or life moment. I think that many times those are warranted in areas that are still lacking guides. I believe that though I am not well versed on many areas, there are a few that I am able to lend my expertise in providing 'how to's for those around me that are in need.

For me personally I am well versed on the Reality show stylings' of those 'Real Housewives' on Bravo.... so we are going to use them as our example show(s) on what to expect when viewing reality TV.

Here we go...

1. There will probably be someone that is not happy. Ever. And she (or he) will make this face a lot:

2. Then there is going to be that couple that met on the reality TV.. and they will really have chemistry....

3. And then they will get married. Because it's definitely going to last.

4. Then there will be a chick like this... and her 'sexy' look will probably give you nightmares....

5. Most everyone on the show will have a really hard time moving their face... so you won't always know if they are mad, scared, or having a bowl movement:

6. There will always be a chance that everyone will be wearing bikinis... because it's normal practice to do in day to day living as a housewife. (Especially if you are not in fact a housewife)

Girlfriend Housewife

7. There will be some fashion choices that will be questionable.. and some how they will just keep happening. Because when you're a housewife, you don't follow fashion, fashion follows you.

8. There will be one chick that is so ridiculous that you will automatically smile whenever she does something else ridiculous... which is usually every time. And she'll be so weirdly fabulous that she will get her own spin off show... that you will end up watching religiously as well.

9. Then there will be that SUPER weird couple that you secretly love watching that will leave the show and you secretly will wish that they get their own show but they are way too smart to do that and ruin their marriage:

10. And at the end of all of it, there will always be this guy... and he's NOT going to approve of any of this: 

I don't know if that really was a 'how to' at all.... but, whatever. You're more educated now on important stuff and I feel like a better person because I know I did that for you. You're welcome. You are now a little more awesome than you were before...if you were before. If not, now you are less horrible than you were before. 

Yep. It's Tuesday. 

It's my Birthday so....

1. I can cry/throw a fit over broken eye shadow....Sympathy is required.

2. I can demand weird food items to served to me at random.

3. I can take a nap at work. All day.

4. I can sing and dance... wherever and whenever I feel like it. Deal with it coworkers.

5. I can eat the entire wheel of cheese. Or two.

6. Everything is calorie free.

7. I can pretend that I am five to ten years younger than I actually am, and people HAVE to agree with me.

8. I can wear whatever feels good... even if it doesn't match.

9. I can curl my hair.... at my desk.

10. I can do what I want. Because today, I'm 14. (Stop laughing)

Man, I was adorable. (It's my Birthday so...  I can shameless brag about how adorable I was before I got old and nasty)

How to: Eat Like a Thick Girl.

So I love food. A lot. Food all the time. But like most women in their not so early twenties and beyond, my metabolism does not love food, but me and my hips have the same feelings for deep fried heaven, greasy hamburgers, pizza.... okay my hips are getting to excited. You get the point. Food trumps most things in my life. 

Once in a blue moon I will let my inner thick chick come out. I let her freaky tasty flag fly and I will go for it. Whatever 'It' is at the time.

Last night it was breakfast food for dinner... and it was dirty. It was sooooo greasy dirty. 

Here is how I eat like a thick chick:

Step 1

Get ready for awesomeness.

Step 2

Start cooking.

Step 3

Make it unhealthy

BACON GREASE

Step 4

Assemble

Step 5

DEVOUR

Step 6

Save room for dessert! 

Yep. That my loves is how you eat like a thick girl..... go destroy something for me and put it in your belly! 

That one time you ....

Men and small children, turn back you aren't welcome here today. I said...turn back. Why are you still reading? You no welcome. Go home now. 

Anyway, you've been warned. I am done trying to save you from this uncomfortable post.....

My family has the hardest struggles when it comes to our lady bits (told you it was getting gross).... cysts, Endometriosis, and many more issues. Therefore, when it comes to medicine that can aide in the limitation of our discomfort, we are all more than willing to participate. When I was offered something that could help me recently, I jumped on it. It is called an IUD. I will not go into details most of you know what that is and if you do not, Google dot com it. Obviously.

Gross. You're welcome 

I was told that it was simple procedure, it was nothing to worry about, I was told I 'wouldn't feel a thing' and I could 'go back to my normal activities' as soon as I left the office.

They. Lied. To. Me.

Let's just say I rather had been in labor than the pain this little T-shaped jerk was causing me. 

I ran into one of my lovely friends at my daughter's school the next day, and after the kids went in I looked at her and told her the reason I looked so worn down and exhausted, I had just had an IUD put in. 

She looked at me a little taken back, confused even.... (I realized then I may have been a little too open) But I smiled and said, "Yeah, it was not fun. I don't even know how I am standing here right now." She courteously smiled at me, but behind her eyes... I saw fear. 

Flash forward about four hours later.... I had really felt as though I had over stepped my bounds... I had said too much.... I was feeling pretty ridiculous when I received a text from the same friend....

"So, I think I'm hearing dyslexic.... I thought you had said you had gotten a DUI."

Party.

Let me just tell you this was the most amazingly reassuring text I had ever received. And hysterical at the same time. 

And at that moment I thought, this is why we're friends ;)

PS. I recommend no one ever gets an IUD. I lasted two weeks with it and almost died. 

The End. 

Unhealthy love.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but as a wee one I grew up on a farm in Jamestown, IN. Be jealous. 

Anywhodiddle, I loved it, I was very one with nature there.... we raised animals *cough, cough* cats.... we explored, we had a good childhood there.... then we moved to Northwest Indiana.... thanks mom and dad. (I kid, I kid)

But, while I lived on the farm I was somewhat (TOTALLY) a tomboy. I played with guns, camo, dirt, and I kind of dressed like one too. Here are some of the examples of clothing choices I made: 

My uncle would send his old camo to us.....I wore them. As clothes.

Khols always had the best selection of cargos... in the boys section for me. 

These bad boys #forlife

My all time favorites looked like these (That my father bleached)

It got so bad that my dad was embarrassed to be seen with me when I dressed like this and he 'accidentally' (completely on purpose) bleached my beloved cargo pants and threw them away.... much to his she-grin I found them, got them out of the trash.... and still wore them. Because I was a boy. Pretty much. Minus the obvious lack in anatomy. After that he took matters even more into his own hands when Easter rolled around one year, and I refused to get out of my overalls. Yes. I'm telling the truth. My father took me to Nordstrom's and stuck me in the middle of a section of dresses and said, 'We aren't leaving till you pick one.' I cried. Bawled in the middle of the store. I pleaded. I asked him, "Why are you forcing me to....be...a....girl????? They dress so stupid.... do you want me to be slutty??" His response? "No, I just want people to know I don't have two sons.... go try this on." 

He really had a way with words. 

So I tried the dress on. We got it. I wore it for the next three Easters. 

It took me a while to come to grips with the fact that I had lady bits, I was a lady, and I was not a little farm boy anymore..... pretty much until I made it half way through high school. And I don't have those urges anymore like I used to, those longings for cargos, camo, and simpler times.... well, there is one thing. One item that I still crave from time to time to rock: 

I can't help it. They call my name. I LOVE overalls. LOVE LOVE LOVE. It's unhealthy. But it's who I once was and still desire to be sometimes. So there you have it, a little history on this face.

Be Afraid.

Happy almost Friday! 

Makeup Time!

You know I love a good makeup review, and today is no exception. I have been trying out different items that I would not usually purchase on the regular. So here it goes:

I am always searching for different make up items I have not used, and I have always wanted to try highlighters but I have oil skin so I have steered clear. But something made me want to try this, It is MICA shimmering powder in Earth (I don't know why it's name is Earth, it's definitely pink) But I think it actually worked really well and gave me the highlight that I was looking for:

After application:

Next, I have always avoided red lipstick because my lips are....large.... but this color makes me so happy and I have a mad love affair with Rimmel Kate lipsticks.

I love trying new hair products and May's Ipsy had a product that I had not tried before, it is Beauty Protector, Protect and Detangle. I am obsessed with this product, I put it in my hair after my shower and it works wonders. Just read the label and you'll see what all it promises and I've found delivers. I definitely recommend this: 

After use:

So these are some of the new items that I am loving! What have you been loving?