Grown UP.

I loathe Mondays. 

Monday is when I get Mini on the bus and I sit down to do the super exciting budget/bills/grocery list/menu planning and of course try to figure out all the house cleaning for the entire week. Which never goes as planned.

Today is especially ironic. 

I am sitting here having chocolate cake and paying bills. 

The true irony of adulthood.

The old adage, 'Have your cake and eat it too....' should really say, "Budget for your cake, make a grocery list for the items you need, bake at 350 for 30 minutes, let it cool, ice it, and then have an appropriate sized piece when ready to serve... but know this, since you're an adult... you still have the option to eat it when ever you want." 

Right now I am planning the last 11 dinners before my c-section. (Unless he comes early) so I am writing out the menu, the recipes, and making the grocery list. 11 days left out of the possible 42 weeks he has incubated. And then he will be here. He will be in my arms. His face, his movements, his coo's will forever be etched into my heart, my brain, my love. It is getting so real, and yet I still can't picture it at all.

I remember the first moment I heard Mini cry. A wave of fierce protectiveness came over me, and softness all at once. I remember thinking that no one could understand how much I loved her in that moment... and it still holds true. I can't even begin to imagine loving another person in that way without my heart exploding, but I know it's going to happen. And it is going to be amazing. 

I finished my cake. I may have grabbed two more bites from the pan. With a clean fork of course. Because trying to budget this month is making my hair fall out. As an adult you immediately understand why. Don't you?

I am going to go back to being a grown up right now.... breathing through 'subtle' contractions... crying softly to myself.... maybe making myself a second cup of hot chocolate... and finishing my menu...

Because I'm a grown up. 

Love.