Mental Health Days for Moms.

I'm exhausted. I am sitting here full of tasty grilled steak fajita and mango salsa [I made that steak like a boss], propping my feet donning ankle weights like a true girl from the 80's on my faux fur ottoman, coming to you in real time. 

I wish there was a picture of this situation, but thank god there isn't. 

I am counting the minutes till bed time for the little boos so I can put on my nightly sheet mask, edit some wonderful family images from last week, and force my husband to watch Baywatch against his will. 

At the moment I am watching Chicken Little, watching a toddler pretend to shit on his toilet and listening to a preteen tell me how her mouth hurts.... she just had her braces tightened. 

It's fine... it is totally fine. I am just TIRED. AF.

BUT I wanted to drop some parenting advice on all my fellow moms.....

I like to call this segment the 'Stop trying so hard and you'll love yourself a lot more....' 

[as long as you stop giving a f*ck about what anyone thinks]

1. Sometimes it is worth it to say no. Say no to your kids. Say no to your family. Say no to your friends. And most importantly, say NO to yourself. NO, you don't have to do a damn thing today. Or tomorrow. 

2. Sometimes Netflix can help you parent, and that doesn't make you a bad mom. 

3. I make BOTH my kids, 3 and 10, take 1.5 hours of chill/nap time every single day. After lunch they know the rules, you can read, play quietly in your room, etc but it is 'reset' time. 

-this does two things, first it helps me have time to clean up from the first half of the day.... and second it gives them time to reset for their second half of the day.... it has almost eliminated meltdowns completely with the Toddler. 

4. Take the shower. I know, that sounds stupid. But it's not. You are allowed to take a shower, wash your hair, wash your face and the kids can yell at you the whole time, but at least you're clean. You chose you, and I'm proud of you. 

5. Stop spending time with people that make you feel bad. I used to choose to spend time with a few people that just were MISERABLE to be around, they complained, they bitched, and they would talk poorly about other when they weren't around. I would go home drained but I always felt I had to continue to have them in my life for whatever reason. [and trust me I am far from perfect and have been miserable to be around MANY times... I just don't want to continue to be that person]

-And then I stopped spending time with them. 

-And at first I was lonely

-And then I wasn't

-And I am SO much happier

I LOVE every single person I spend time with now. I wish I could spend more time and had more hours in the day for the people in my life. [and I am so grateful they put up with me]

Give yourself the gift of selection. 

It's empowering. 

And even if you don't believe in energy, spirituality, vibrations, chakras, etc [I do] believe in you enough to allow yourself peace. 

Well, in the span of this blog:

I moved myself from Chicken Little and am now resting under a big oak tree loving on this breeze and feeling almost overwhelmed with happiness and guess what? I'm not tired anymore. I moved my energy into a peaceful place and I am IN IT. 

The kids are fed, even dessert, they are happy, they are playing... and I am happy in my own reset. 

Anyway, this isn't a brag thing, this is a join me thing. 

You're way to hard on yourself. 

Yes, you.

Stop it. 

I mean it.

Now.

Love you. 

Proof they have survived me saying no, me taking a shower, and even 'chill' time.

 

#basic

It's been a hot minute. 

I was a busy week and I am finally laying down to relax.... which is a joke because I have a three year old laying on me asking me about wet hair, showers and why I don't take showers with him. 

Now he is crying because I told him to watch a movie with his sister.... I am A MONSTER. 

Toddlers, man.... they are something.

Fast forward 23 minutes.

Well.... I just sent both my children upstairs. I am done with them. 

I just can't handle the constant tattling, screaming, and uncontrollable crap that comes out of my precious, close to perfection children sometimes. 

BUT.

BUT.

Tomorrow is a new day....

TOMORROW is CAMP day.

And this girl cannot wait for tomorrow.

I love my children. SO. MUCH. But after a week of stay-cation with all four of us, I am ready for life to not be events, fun, and togetherness. I'm ready for laundry time and normalcy and work. 

JUDGE ME.... 

[You obviously don't have children]

[Or you're Satan]

I don't discriminate either way.... but I see you.

So, this week.... it was 4th of July week and let me tell ya, it's a tiring situation with kids and WE are extra parents and we have to do all the things. [points to overachieving husband] 

Back in my day we pulled up to an alley down town Indy, sat on the top of a mini van and watched fireworks and we liked it. WE HAD TO LIKE IT. We didn't need parades and full days planned around spoiling children...... they have NO idea how lucky they are. 

AN ALLEY.

DOWNTOWN.

ON A MINI VAN.

WITH NO SNACKS.

FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS FOR ME.

#entitled

#millennial 

#merica

Amazon Prime is One Hell of a Drug

You know what I love? I love sitting down to write-and easily ADD/Gemini destract myself to such a point that I go from watching Jane the Virgin to looking up side affects for a bladder infection [I have one and just started taking my prescription..... yes I feel like I'm dying TMI] to some how ending up on a google search tracking down a current picture of Bryan Adams wife.. 

Fact: She is one of the prettiest people I've ever seen. Also, she doesn't age.... also I think it's time for some fillers because at 43 she looks younger than me.... at 31. [I'm not going to do it.... it was a joke, kind of. Maybe in 6 months.] 

googles: Cecilie Thomsen anti-aging tips and tricks

googles: how to sell soul to devil for never ending youth

googles: how to pray and ask God to forgive you after you are tempted to sell your soul for something so damn vain

(amazon primes a new self improvement book and a daily journal to find inner beauty)

THAT MY FRIENDS, is the rabbit hole that is my brain. 

It has been exactly 7 minutes since I sat down to write. Yeah. Imagine living with me........

It's a trip.

So, yeah, I have a bladder infection. Painful. I know, you didn't want to know-but now you know. 

tempted to post on Facebook: accepting warm dinners and massage appointments during this rough time of my life. Can't do life. Have bladder infection. 

Have I mentioned sometimes I am a little dramatic and super needy? 

On top of my infection, the filling I got a few months back isn't working, the nerve sensitivity is extremely disheartening..... you would think that would hinder my binge eating, but I've figured my way around it. Don't worry-I'm not starving over here.... 

sets down pizza [no one is surprised anymore] googles self help books for binge eating.

Ok, I'm back..... amazon prime is one hell of a drug. LET ME TELL YOU.

Veers to the other side of my brain never to return to any of the previous topics again

Amazon Prime.....

I need a vacuum.... Mini wants a skateboard.... Dallas has a Lego set waiting for him after he potty trains some more.... the dog has weight gainer.... and our entire family wardrobe for our family pictures.... all can be here in two days. If that isn't magic.... I don't know what is. But bisch is addicting. Therefore, I stand by my statement-she a drug.

And I'm here for it.

I am not alone in this thought process, am I?

Now, I actually have to work.... and do work things, and do laundry, and prep dinner because this is the golden hour at home.... it is 'LIBRARY TIME' aka go take a nap so I can clean up after our crafting morning and the mess that has been left by the Toddler and his sister. 

Wish me luck....

I have an hour to turn this place around and work. 

Halp.

If looks could kill....
 'when your sister is in a bad mood and you walk half an acre [carrying your chair] to go be near her and hug her and say I love you and she's NOT into it.'

The Outsiders.

When I was in seventh grade I had the most interesting man come into my life. He was my teacher. He taught me how to love reading. He taught me how to have a voice. And he taught me to not give a damn.[something I had to relearn many times over throughout the years] but he was at the forefront of so many things I have become now.

He introduced me to the book, The Outsiders, midway through my school year in seventh grade. He had a feeling I would like it. He was right. It took me about a day of tears, laughter and heart wrenching pain to finish it. And then I read it again.... little did I know how much that book would mean to me as I got older. 

A few years after I read the book, I gave it to my brother to read. He loved reading and instantly agreed this was 'our book'.... because we had a very codependent relationship and did literally everything together.... and I am so glad we did. 

As I went through some of the trials of life and heartache with him later on in our lives, I started calling him 'Ponyboy', from the book. It just was a thing. He was the youngest. He was a genius [based on IQ, not me bragging] but he struggled within himself to find his purpose and to find who he was. 

A phrase used in the book, was, "Stay gold" they used this phrase as the urban dictionary describes, as to say stay innocent and pure.... their way of saying good bye. 

We both loved that phrase, and I used to say that to him.... especially when he was going through a hard time... struggling with his demons.... I always felt that it was a way to bring him back. 

After he passed away, I knew-I believe-that same day, if I was to memorialize him on my body I could only ever get that phrase.

Stay Gold. 

Silly to think I used it so many times to bring him back, and now it is a phrase I tell myself to bring myself back to the present when I am missing him so much it hurts every part of me. 

Stay Gold. 

It may mean nothing to anyone else, but to me it means the world. 

So yesterday with two of my favorite people I finally got my tattoo for him.

It had to be in typewriter font, because that boy loved his typewriter more than many people knew. And that was just one of the adorable things about him. 

emo selfie. 

The morning after.

The shade I am, is a shade of red I never thought I would be.

This is coming as a shock to me in a way that not even the Spice Girls breaking up or the final season of Sex in the City gave me....

[that is a blatant exaggeration, both of those events ended me in therapy... I wish I was joking]

I am burnt.

I am burnteth.

I am feeling the burn.

I am that thing that happens to so many people I used to pity. I AM SUN BURNT.

I saw myself turning slowly into a tomato and rashly thought to myself, 'boo, you ALWAYS turn brown in the morning.... you got this baby.' But I was wrong.

[Yes, I call myself boo... it makes me feel loved, and wanted, and cherished. OK?]

I was DEAD wrong.

I am awake.

And I am not brown.

So I am rallying for story time at the library.... trying to find a way to wear a bra and not cry from the crispy pain I know is inevitable.....

I can do this.... I will do this for my babies. 

I will get that library card Mini has been pining over....

I will pat the name drum for the Toddler when he refuses too...

I will make it through the glitter and the glue and the crafting. 

I will LIKE IT.

I will not like it, but I will do it. 

But enough with my pain......

As I sit here and write, I hear this little squeaky, "hey mom... hey mama?? I love you. Is that impossible?"

No babe, that is not impossible that is perfect.

And I have one of those devastating thoughts, what will it be like when he's off to college and I don't hear those random 'I love you's' from the kitchen anymore.......... 

This is what life is about. 

Don't forget it. 

It's a million degrees out....

As I slowly ride this power wheel back to the garage.... I really contemplate my life.....

Who am I?

I am a 31 year old mother of two riding a GMC power wheel back to the garage before a storm because I'm to tired to push it 100 ft back. What does that make me? I don't know.... and I don't really care as long as there is a beer at the end of this ride.

It has only been four weeks...... how? I feel as though it's been a year since school was in session. It honestly has been a blast, but it's been long. Do you guys relate?

It has been hands down the most relaxing break, ever.

But have I mentioned....I have a strong willed toddler??

Someone hand me a beer. 

Also, I am still sore from yesterday's 3 minute jump session in the trampoline. What has my body become? [eats my forth piece of pizza of the day]

I haven't given up, I'm just accepting that I am living my best life.

I am proud to report that I have FINALLY recovered from the hangover of 2018.... 6 days later.... fully. I am not a 'shots' kind of girl.... but I pride myself on my efforts. I am no quitter.

THANK. GOD. I finally got the stupid thing in the garage. That. WAS. A workout..... *adds workout to myfitnesspal* god I am #fitnessgoals.....

On to my HIIT workout, we're doing arms today reps on reps of this weighted beer curl, making sure to use equal weights in each arm....... I may DOUBLE fist. For my workout. You know. Duh. #fitmom.

I am sorry, I hate being one of 'those girls' always talking about working out, but I want to inspire others in my quest for total body transformation.

Happy Monday gals, we've got this.

Blocking all those haters that say you can't have a good time working out.

I'm the worst.

I'm sorry.... I have been MIA. But I have a ton of excuses, that I will not bore you with.

So, yesterday... a Tuesday.... was my birthday.

It was a great day. The kids were so sweet and then when my husband got home he and I went to eat and shop.....

Then went to a snazzy bar after dinner and randomly ran into some awesome gals that wanted to help me celebrate my day, and they did.

----------------------------------------------------------


And I just woke up in my Spanx.... tennis bracelet..... and lashes.....

I feel ridiculous..... 

 I just made myself a large lemon grass tea and salad.... accompanied by a big bowl of shame.

So, this is 31.......

I am going to take my Spanx off and take my probiotics and rally..... 

Potty training is going to be a blast today. 

Ok, I am done rambling.... [lol who am I kidding?]

unrolls the spanx off my body..... takes my pride and places it back where it belongs, sips tea.

As I write I am sitting here watching RHONY high lights on Youtube and feeling myself coming back to my normal boring self. Thank. God. 

UPDATE:

I started this blog at 8 am and now am finishing up now... at 5..... PM. 

I can't do hangovers at 31 with two kids who decided to fight all day....

I can't put their trampoline together in the back yard hungover either, but I got it almost done... because I'm stupid. 

So, all in all the first day of 31 is really making me feel like the first day of my 21st.... and no one wants that. 

Happy Wednesday babes. Don't do what I did.

During. After.